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COnfUsiOn: Taking Decisions?

Where is Flight Air France 447? Will Zaheer Play? Is Rahul Gandhi our next Prime minister? What’s on Pakistan’s mind? Is Frieda Pinto most sexy? If you like my performance, please vote for me? It not just another question that confuses my mind, it’s a question to which I just cannot find an answer.

(Click on the image to enlarge it)

Before I proceed into asking the question, I imagine a friend saying: “Why blog?” I have this strange habit of solving problems while asking the question. I have been able to answer the question myself even before I have completed asking it. This is ‘Why’ I ‘Blog’ also there’s hope that the readers help me with it.

The thought, strangely unlike the others, comes from the favorite part of my life: Watching Television πŸ˜› More details and the all important question that i seek answer to follows..
I remember watching an episode of ‘Uttaran’ on Colors, where the rich girl Tapasya, leaves the poor girl Itcha in the zoo, because she is Jealous! Tapasya’s father has killed Itcha’s father in an accident and is now taken responsibility of her life. Oh andΒ  by the way Itcha is the maid’s daughter.. All’s well between the girls until Tapasya’s father moves Itcha and her mother into their house (After realizing that the person he killed was Itcha’s father.. long story!)

The feeling of jealousy had started a few episodes back, but up until now, Tapsya’s father had been able to convince his daughter of how lucky she is to have Itcha as her friend. In the episode I’m talking about, Tapasya and Itcha are on a school trip to the local Zoo where Tapasya leaves Itcha on the train (the small one around the zoo), also proxies her attendance. Itcha is scared and is lost for 2 days. Tapsya’s father finds her as he comes in terms with Tapasya’s doing in it. (i’m not going to play good by saying that Itcha screams ‘tapsya mujhe chod ke mat jao’ in sleep (Tapsya don’t leave me alone and go)) Tapasya then confronts with her father, ending the dailogue with: “Aap sab itcha se hi pyaar karte hain, Main tho jaise hoon hi nahi” (Transalation: Everybody loves Itcha, It’s like I don’t exist). The episode ends with the father sobbing.

The after thought: “What if I were the father? How do I keep both the girls happy? I can’t punish Tapasya, and I love Itcha.”

My parents were out of words when the same question was put to them. My sister wanted me to shut up, when i put myself and my sister as the two characters. I repeatedly asked the question with my sister fighting to stop it. The discussion came to an end when my father said: “Hope such situation never arises, You can only hope that it would fade with time” , and of course the next serail started in 5 mins.

Well, I’m not a parent, and I’m not worried about what is in the future, but yet if somebody asks me the same question, I’d say: “Why not have just one child?” πŸ˜› Anyways, The real question is to choose between 10 years of friendship and an year of Love. By love I just don’t mean boyfriend-girlfreind love.. as many of us, including me, have never experienced any grildfriend-boyfriend type love.. Let me rephrase it:

“10 years of friendship with a girl or Love for the wife”

Lets make situations here, You have a very dear friend of the opposite sex who you share most your secrets with for over 10 years now. Now you are getting married, If you don’t have the un-common sexual preference (like gay, I mean no offense to the gay community) obviously you are going to get married to the opposite sex. This is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, until death, until eternity. A wife as you would expect, should be the closest and most dearest to you. What-If She just feels jealous of your relationship with the friend?

I think I have a solution, You expect the friend to understand. You explain the situation, with a heavy heart say the final good-byes. Or, you try to spend more time with the spouse than the friend hoping the friend understands. All’s good, if your spouse is understanding, But what if neither are?

Lets put it the other way, what if your friend’s husband does not like you? This is when confrontations have to happen, You have to take the back seat. Be happy with whatever time you get to spend with the friend. That is a decision I would make, but as a husband to a wife? I’m still confused.

Many may argue about the problem a guy might have with the wife’s friend? True, to what understanding I have of Mens psychology, A guy may never like a close relationship with somebody else. If you ask me, I would not mind the friendship at all, after all I have a friend too.. The only thing I could suggest my wife is to go a little easy with the friend, Not too close now darling!

If this was not enough to create confusion, here is another situation that most of the guys will always face in life after marraige. The differences between the wife and the mother! On one end, is the Mother, a person who not only gave you birth but sacrificed so many of her dreams just to fulfill yours. On the other, is your wife. A person who you are to spend the rest of your life with, a person who has left all of her past, A person who has agreed to take care of you more than your mother, A person who is expected to make sacrifices to keep the family happy, A person who expects nothing more than pure love from you. And then, there are differences between the two, What would you do? You can’t go against your mother, and you can’t take your wife’s side because you respect and love your parents.

Sometimes I feel that girls are so lucky to having to move to someone else s life after marraige, at least these situations won’t occur. But at times I wonder what it would feel like going into a completely new family, with a burden of expectations of changing lifestyle and people. It’s the thinking that’s affecting my decision making, I think of all situations!

The choice is simple says some part of my mind, It should be Mother over wife and Wife over friend! Hello, Whoever that was, The decision is not that simple. It’s because I want all the happiness, Love from a friend, a wife and a mother. To bring an end I will accept what my father said, “Hope it fades over time”

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Kunal Janu

PS: All of the post is from the mind of a man, and the situations are what men would face, I could simply be over-looking the decisions girls would have to make, If you are thinking of any such situations “Do comment”. What’s your decision?
Random Thought: Is Misbah playing this against us tonight?

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  1. June 3, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    bah! humbug!!

  2. June 4, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    Marry your 10 year old friend!!
    ..And that also solves half of your post..!!

  3. Kunal Janu
    June 5, 2009 at 8:12 am

    @LVS: What’s that supposed to mean? You confused too?

    @Ambika: Ah! Never thought that was a solution, the problem can be when your friend refuses! Interesting thought though πŸ™‚

  4. June 5, 2009 at 8:35 am

    what do you expect from me? helping people download videos has its after effects.

    about Ambika’s idea, maybe you can offer “marriage or no friendship” πŸ˜› [now that’s clear!]

  5. July 14, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Well, you could marrry the friend or go my way, screw her and do away with her start afresh, or you could not get married and keep screwing her, or you could screw her and get married to her. Screw her any which way

    For the second part, I’d go with dear mommy. If wife has a problem with that, we’ll settle on a solution. To be fair, I don’t plan to get married at all, so dun hope to have that problem.

  1. December 23, 2009 at 11:13 am

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